Recently, there alot of things happening in my life...
that is making me very helpless at time...
One of my e-pal email me this song...(background music)
i doubt whether can i?
i really do not have any strength now...
i do not have any strength to hold on my faith...
Family..Work..Friends..Love?
All happened all of the sudden...
Everything just seems so wrong to me...
Who will come n hold me then?

the other day when i meet up with Joelle..
she told me " God is very fair, He give u somthing
n He will take away somthing from u."
Does this really apply to everyone?
My Broken Family... not any close kinship..
My Friends... ...
My work Stress work stress work...
My Love... Dun even mention abt that...
never there at all...
Sometime i doubt... i do...
what did i had in return?
or whats given?
Sorry God that i doubt, but i really did...
i m now in total darkness...
Save me!
Show me some light...
please!
i felt so so afraid, so scare... can u see?

i still miss him... hasnt been seeing him lately...
never hear any news from him too...
think life must be very busy for him...
miss u!

Oh... just came back from a dinner with my primary school mate...
Joelle! i have know her for more than ten years!
miss her so much...
have not meet up for a year la ba...
so sorry...
catch things up with her...
n heard some problem she had with her best friend...
sounds like mine too...
i can see the pain in ur eyes
that tears...
a song for u

A New Beginning!
i will marked today as a new beginning...
ha ha...

"I can make it through the rain I can stand up once again on my own And I know that I'm strong enough to mendAnd every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith And I live one more day and I make it through the rain "

"At times the best way to get something new is to sacrifice something old. Dropping them can lead to interesting discoveries.
When one has thrown away all of the properties, is there anything left to give up? I don't know."

I have decided to give up... trying to give up
Give up on this What i called as one way ticket, one way train...
i m just that tired... to hold on to it...
i once sat in there for a year...
N i took one year to give up...
N this time i took a shorter time to decide...
maybe coz i never sat in the train at all...
but the pain is still there...

... i went to meet up with him again...
i dun know y?
to a plc where it seems familiar...
same view... same smell... same feel...
he still wear that same perfume...
same old smiles...
haha...
somehow i felt sad ...
sad that i broke my promise...
the promise i make myself...
somehow i m just that...
but mayb i just really need that hug...
a hug that can give me that warmness...
that touch... that belonging...
haha...
he told me to give up if i felt hurt to hold this affection of u
Yes i felt hurt...
n i doesnt belong there at all...
i did not being accepted or rejected...
i m just pending there...
but somehow i confuse myself for saying i do no wanna know
leaves it in silence...
but deep inside i m so eager to know...
how i wish u gave me some reponse...
but just no...

not to worry i m not turning back...
not turnng back to anyone...
i will move on...
i will kept it in...
so goodbye... goodbye to that affection for u camel...

静..喜歡,就是淡淡的愛 ~ 愛,就是深深的喜歡...我喜歡你

ok... tired!
Oh today have to start work again...
after two days of resting!
ha ha...
boby aching!!!!
coz yesterday went fly kite @ marina south!
WOW! my first kite flying...
Thanks to Pal JZ... his sweet
He made me a kite!
AiYA!
i forgot to take the picture of the kite!
Wow the kite flied high...
total a hieght of 3 rolls of nylon string...
ha ha..
but it took us 1 n 1 half hour to pull it back... oh!
recently alot of things cocked up in my life... none is smooth...
at least yesterday is a relaxing day...
Just standing at the sea side...
watching the waves n feeling the wind...
suddenly i could find some peace there...
But somehow i hope JZ did not misunderstood me in a way...
because when i m there... He came to my mind...
how i wish he is there at that moment...
ok ok... have to go to work now ...out!

Ha h...
Just came back from my Cousin Wedding dinner at east coast!
Wow... tons of ppl said i silm down!
ha ha ha...
ok tired... going to sleep...
tmr off day again... going east coast with my old pal Jun Zhong ...
he wanna teach me cycling n some catch up with him...
Took some photos of myself b4 i left home today...
ha ha...

No meaning at all...
Everything just when wrong!
Wrong Wrong Wrong!
Nothing seems right!
it went wrong from the very First day!
N its Just MY FAULT!
my DAMN Fault!
i hope i will not know who u r...
if not i think i will really hates u!
deep inside my heart...
because of what u call an advise just ruin EVERYTHING!
everthing...
i felt so lousy...
lousy in words...
lousy in just Asking..
n Asking could become questioning..
???

its all my fault...ALL..

Some r being remembered,
but some r forgotten at times....

i m a dead body with dead soul...
i have sank to the bottom...
Who came over with a hand?

that makes me who i m now...
Dead...with dun care attitude...
mayb in the past i m just too care...
Too care how others feel that makes me who i m in the past...

if u really understand me, u will know what i need & what i mean
sometimes words might sound cruel at times...
but what does that really means?

i never ever thought of getting any thing from him...
i just hope friendship remain...

Thank to wee wee!
Thank for ur reply to my MSN nick...
will u love me the way i love u?
yes i will
ha ha
somehow that warm my heart man!
thanks pal !!!!!!! MuACk!

Oh...have been very busy lately!
Finally got off day!
ha ha...

Somehow he is not that toopid...
he can sense it...
not possible ...
but still i didnt tell him...
still uncertain...
uncertain on how deep or shallow it is...
still worried...
worried how will things turn out to be...
still scare...
scare of being hurt...
i m now badly hurt...
still bleeding...
i m scare to hear any reply...
i m scare of being hurt again...
dun think i can take it now...
but deep inside i do miss him...
ha ha...
i m not a easy ger to handle ba...
full of hurts, being torn apart...
someone that felt life is meaningless...
how could it be?
he likes ger to be cheerful...
just like him...
he likes ger that covers his weakness...
mayb i cant...
maybe thats why i couldnt walk in...
n may never...
Deep inside Lord i pray that u will bless him...
that he will find that someone that he truely love...
n she love him back as much...
so that lonely soul will not left alone n cry at times...
there is always that someone beside him...
to keep him stronger...
May love be with him...

This is life?
Is this life?
My life?
How many ppl appear in ur life whom u said to be impt to u?
How many ppl whom u called friends would really care for u?
Call or concern u when u r down?
Or share with u Happy thoughts?
"A couple"
"One"
"None"
if u have "a couple" u r that lucky!
Normal ppl have only "One"
Sad! i m in the "none" (maybe ppl around r just too busy with life? i can understand)
How Abt u?
Is there really fairness in each life?
There should have a balance point in each life, isnt it?
If u Lost in one , u should get back from another...
Isnt it that way?
Would u Ever find me a great person to talk to?
Would u ever treat me as one family?
Would u ever love me...
**************************************
Somehow i m happy for Him that life really moves on...
As u open ur gate n allow someone to enter ur garden
Although she might not Stop by to take a look...
Just leaving u with a couple of footsteps...
somehow i m surprise that love can really falls that fast
a few possibilities...
1) She remind u of her
2) a way to escape
3) a way of turning the attention
4) u just wanna forget her
5) Life moves on
6) none of e above
which one is it? u know e best ba
Could still be friends after rejection?
to them just cant!
somehow i start to agree too...
N somehow i m scare to even tell u i start missing u...
Dunno when, dunno how, dunno why
Your shadow came in to my garden
Which possibility? i dunno
But i know u will not walk in to my garden...
even gates r open...
i know...

But As what u always said
Life Goes On...(with or without)
hahahahahah...
Just hope May all be blessed with love!

i thought i m dead!
that i will not felt any pain anymore...
but i cut myself at work yesterday...
i couldnt feel any pain when it first strike.
then blood flows out...
n suddenly i just felt that pain...
how could a small cut give me so much pain?
i really hurts... even till now...
how abt the cut deep inside?
Do u know how painful it is?
Will you?

Why m i crying alone here now...
why tears just cant stop flowing...
why does it keep running out...
why does my heart felt that pain...
i cant stop this ...
i cant syop any...
i m that exhausted...
i m really that exhausted...
how i wish there is someone there for me...
to take me away from all these...
i dont want to be here anymore!

What m i for...
is my Existence just being a connection to someone.
someone that is so dearie to u...
can life really moves on?

to be Continue...